One night, a week or two ago, I was listening to Brene Brown’s podcast – the episode with Glennon Doyle. I was up late painting my stairway so we could hopefully sell our house easier.
Our house still hasn’t sold.
That wasn’t the magic task. How disappointing.
As I was listening to the podcast, Brene mentioned how they were both sober for a long time – like 17 and 23 years or something. I don’t remember.
But as I listened, something inside of me instantly shouted, “Hey!! I’m sober too!!” It rather surprised me because I’ve never put myself in those shoes before.
It’s so common to cheer others on as they open and up and share, “I’ve been sober for 5 years.” or even “I’ve been sober for 5 months!” Any length of sobriety is something to celebrate, and I’m always so proud and quick to validate their awesome accomplishment!
I always see a lot of others join in the congratulations as well. So why is it that more of us don’t share our own victories?!
I realized the reason I never wanted to be open about that, let alone celebrate the accomplishment, was because that part of my past was buried in shame.
Even in therapy and doing EMDR, my brain didn’t want to go there and skipped over those years with me mentally hiding in a cave and then drowning in water in an effort to keep it all buried and hidden. But I’ve kept opening up and showing up, and over the months I’ve endured the pain of the past and it’s beginning to heal.
So that night when my insides were so pumped to celebrate and my desire was to belong in that club with them, it was like the shedding of the last layer of shame.
Now THAT is a victory to celebrate!
All I wanted to do in that moment was yell it from the roof tops!
“I’VE BEEN SOBER FOR 20 YEARS!!!”
Instead I marco poloed my sisters. Then a few days later shared the news with some close friends.
It’s exciting and freeing to be vulnerable.
It’s AMAZING for the first time in 38 years to be ok with my life, my past, and my present.
It was the first time I felt truly safe to tell my story.
I want to shout my gratitude to the heavens for the road that has brought me to this point in my life. It’s been a long one, and a hard one, and sometimes an ugly one. But I’m here. And that’s what matters.
I never imagined that safety I was always searching for would be found right inside of me.
What beautiful and amazing creations we truly are.