October 7, 2021
One of the things that I realized pretty quickly was that healing is like an onion.
You go through hard emotions, process difficult memories, work through the pain and anxiety, and finally find some relief as that layer is peeled away.
But then it all starts over again as soon as the next thing gets triggered and that next layer begins to come off.
Like your head being dunked under water. That time to breath and feel good and have a break from the struggle is so desperately needed. And as soon as you feel your head begin to go under again, that almost creates more anxiety that the layer itself.
I don’t want to do this again! nooooooo….. lol
But the good thing is, is that as you go back again and again through the healing process, you’re really not going back at all!
Going back to heal the next layer is really a huge step forward in the process.
It can feel discouraging, like you’re not making any progress, but if you are healing and doing the work, you are making tremendous progress! and that needs to be celebrated! Even in the hard moments.
Because you’re here.
You’re showing up.
You’re doing the work.
And you are amazing!
It’s been a year and a month since I moved back to Utah since my divorce. There have been hard moments, days, weeks, even months. But the duration feels like it’s getting shorter. And while there are certainly still layers to pull back, I feel like there’s also something different happening now.
Layers are being put back on.
Not layers that need to be healed and uncovered in order for me to be whole.
But layers of who I was that got lost.
Layers of who I am that got beat up, bruised, and broken, and are now being returned whole and beautiful.
I didn’t catch a whole lot from this last conference, but one thing that really got my attention, was RESTORATION. “Restoration takes time.”
And I knew. I am going through my own restoration.
As I look back, especially just over these last couple of months, I am seeing the restoration of ME happening in big ways!
It’s exciting! It’s fun! And it makes me feel alive!
So I will keep peeling back the layers and doing the work.
But I will also fully step into who I have always been and I’m so happy and excited to finally feel like I’m being reunited with all the best parts of me! In addition to the new strength, knowledge, wisdom, as well as tenderness, that I’ve gained along the way.
So go ahead and cry…
Onions are meant to make you cry.
And healing is an onion.