July 14, 2020

Life

Alright y’all, here it is.

I’m fortunate to say that I’ve been pretty lucky in that this covid life up to this point had been pretty easy, and while my husband was home for a month+ it was more like a mini vacation from the mom life. But that ended when he went back to work, and life has still been fine.

Until today.

Today is the day I hit my limit.

I know we all have limits – for some it may have been on day 1, week 3, month 2, or maybe for some it won’t be until next year.

But today is my day.

Everything I had “planned” is now definitely off the table.

I thought my home would be sold by now and instead I’m not sure I’ll ever get out of here. I was really looking forward to some free time/me time when my kids started back into school, but today I purchased most of the curriculum I need to homeschool ALL of them.

Homeschool was hands down the best thing of my life last year, but it’s also one of the biggest triggers for me. I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress since then mentally and emotionally. But what’s going to happen in the coming year is a complete mystery… and that terrifies me!

There are so many other factors and things going on behind the scenes that I’m not even going to bring up, but I feel like I’m stuck in the mud and sinking in slow motion just waiting for my impending doom. I don’t do well with uncertainty – in certain aspects of my life, anyway. And right now I have no certainty in any part of my life. Well, except one. Maybe two if you count death – because we all die eventually. That’s certain. 🤪

I could really use something certain right now. Or at least something to get the ball rolling and get me out of this limbo state.

Sometimes when things don’t work out, I think that perhaps it’s supposed to work out differently than I’d planned… And I’m totally good with that. I can change directions as long as I’m going in a direction.

But life has stalled.

And I’ve sat long enough.

It’s time to get moving again… but I feel stuck. Like there is nothing I can do and everything is out of my control.

So I’ll keep taking deep breaths, one after another, and know that eventually something will change.

After all, the only constant in life is change.

Tags: covid, homeschool