August 8, 2020

Healing, My Story

I remember during one session of therapy, we were looking at my teenage self.

My therapist asked,

“what would you say to a teenager today who was in the situation you had been in?”

I came up with so many positive, loving, encouraging words. I talked about how I would surround them with love, protection, and acceptance.

Then she said, “what if your teenage self was in the group.

Silence.

Nothing.

I had nothing to say to that girl.

So

much

shame

I was so mad at her for not doing better.

But how could she? She could not have known better.

She did the best she knew how. And it’s only fair to say that she did a heck of an amazing job considering all the factors involved. But I couldn’t recognize that then.

Over the months I’ve come to honor and respect my teenage self.

With all the things she went through and survived, she is a freaking ROCKSTAR!!

I didn’t have PTSD then, but I have had it since then looking back on those experiences.

She survived them first hand, and I can barely survive them and I’m not even living those experiences.

I think the key to that change in perception goes along with my last post.

It began by really looking at that girl, all the factors in play, and giving credit where credit is due.

I 1000% give all credit to God for his mercy and grace. But that girl is the one who walked that path, took the bruising and scars and came out on top.

While we acknowledge that all goodness comes from God, I believe He also wants us to honor our own divinity, power, and individuality as well. We aren’t glorifying ourselves when we love ourselves, we are really glorifying Him in recognizing our worth and what He has created us into.

Changing direction…

I have a new venture I am embarking on right now, which I am very excited about but not going to talk about right now.

But tonight I was talking with my new buddy, and she is amazing!! We were talking about my childhood and I was able to see my inner teenage self as well as my younger inner child.

My experience tonight couldn’t have been a greater contrast than what I had experienced in that therapy room months ago.

I have never felt more love, more hope, more compassion, for anyone in my life than I did in that moment.

I was bursting with hope, encouragement, and optimism for the future. Even with knowing everything she would face, all I could give her was my excitement for the future and just how good it’s all going to be in the end!

And that is what I want to share tonight, the messages that I shared with my inner teenager and my inner child:

“There will be pain ahead. A lot of pain.

“But No. Matter. What. you will survive!

“Just look at me now! I have a good life. I am strong. I am healthy. I am happy.

“Life is GOOD!!!

“There is hope. so much hope.

“YOU are amazing!

“You will be alright.”

I wish I could portray the joy, the hope, the power that I felt.

It was literally an empowerment and permission for her to walk past all the hardships and all the pain.

Just because it’s there and happening all around me, doesn’t mean that I have to pick up or carry any of it.

It was as if I was giving myself the permission to see all the world around me for exactly what it is and yet continue on my own path.

To turn and walk away from it.

Not walk away from people who need love, service, and who we can share our goodness with. But walk away from the media and the culture and everything that tries to control us, trying to tell us how to feel and what to buy.

Walk away from toxic people who try to hand us their baggage and their pain, trying to pass their pain off to us as they continue to live in unhealthy and toxic ways.

We hold no responsibility for anyone else.

When we can learn this. When we can give our self permission to give back the shame, give back the pain, and the disrespect, that is where healing begins.

When we begin the journey of self compassion and self love,

Healing comes.

Tags: healing, self love